I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
