Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
