you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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