i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
