There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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