My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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