I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
