you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What a dumb baby whore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
