did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
