Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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