I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
