Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
