things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
