You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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