I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My ass is underappreciated
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
