Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
