this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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