her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
