the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
