Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
