did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
