that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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