just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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