We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
