I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
