we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Randomize
