i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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