Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
