is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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