we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
