you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
