how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
