You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
