apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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