I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We need to get me chipped asap
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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