He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
