So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
