She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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