pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
