Sober January is a disaster.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
