I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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