Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
