And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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