is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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