yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm having to shit out rocks
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
