I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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