well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
