i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
