My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
