Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Boobs are out for the taking
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
