Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
