I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
