i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
