Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
