shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
